Alexcia Panay

"We move past the masks that we wear, whether it's that we want to be seen as spiritual or poetic or beautiful or funny or sarcastic. Sometimes you have to write it out until that voice is tired and another quieter voice can come through."

How do you describe your work?
Even though I use words to communicate, it is hard to put into words! I use writing to communicate with an unfiltered self and to connect with the creative source of inspiration and to demystify writing so that people have access to it.

How do you do that?
I create safety and hold a field of acceptance for a range of possibilities to come through, often it is getting out of the way and just being a witness to someone's process. I remind people that they are just borrowing me to remember what they already know. I've been to a lot of steps within myself, so I feel very comfortable meeting people in whatever moment they're in. I know through experience that even if it's this huge moment of contraction and everything is dark, that there's always something that's being formed in that darkness. I don't tell people what they should do, but to guide them back to their own knowing is a high honor and pleasure. 

We're you always creative?
I grew up hearing you're not creative, you can't sing, all these limiting beliefs that stuck for a long time until I started detangling them and proving them wrong. Now I feel like a deeply creative person. I connect with being an artist of the present moment.  Whether it's in ceremony or with writing or with conversation, I love to be in that place of mystery and deep presence where what's emerging is very pure and spontaneous. 

How can people connect with you?
I offer weekly tea and creative writing groups in Ibiza. We begin in silence with a tea ceremony and then we move into word games and writing play. I also offer one-on-one work, where I am working as more of a creative doula or mentor. 

Why do you start with tea?
Tea is a beautiful practice for so many reasons, it's about listening and being together in silence. So everybody's sharing tea, but having their own bowl and their own process. It allows for the mind to settle the chattering and by the third bowl, we enter a space of some kind of peace and clarity.

How does this affect writing?
When we move into words we're already at a nice baseline and from there you can discover your voice or intuition. We move past the masks that we wear, whether it's that we want to be seen as spiritual or poetic or beautiful or funny. Sometimes you have to write it out until that voice is tired and another quieter voice comes through.

Why is the group element important?
Reading in front of people is quite healing. There’s a resonance that happens when you hear your own voice and another person's voice. The last piece of what I usually share is a group poem, where I let go of the reins and I write what people are saying. We are all connected and affecting one another and within a held space it becomes very obvious that we are messengers for one another and can all tap into the same well of inspiration.

What was your aha moment? 
I had been doing work with plant medicine for a few years, so that was the beginning of an access point to higher levels of consciousness. The plants can be very useful but it’s easy to get lost reaching for that state if you don’t have a firm ground underneath.  At that time, I was in a car crash, where my car flipped across the 405 in Los Angeles three times. While it was flipping very quickly, it went dark in my consciousness and I heard, “am I dying?” And then “no, surrender.” Within a second I relaxed my body and when it flipped right side up, the car was totaled, glass was all over me and I didn't have any injuries besides a scratch from the seatbelt. I was in an incredible state of presence for about a month, feeling really just grateful to be alive. 

What happened after that?
A friend had a typewriter out and I started just playing and asking people for words and something just really started coming out. It was a game at first and then I was getting invited to places to do it, and then I started getting paid for it. I didn't see it coming, I was just following the typewriter wherever it wanted to go. That evolved into getting a group of people to give words and put those words together like a puzzle, and then have a place to put that, whether it was for someone's birthday or a specific event. And then that evolved into tea and poetry, which was just creating the space for everyone to do it for themselves. 

Has your work always been interactive?
There's this quote from the Bible that I say sometimes - “when two or more are gathered, I am there.” When I started with poetry, which was just playing with my typewriter, I would go and ask people for three words and then write something. It became a mirroring exploration of consciousness to see that every time I wrote something, it was for them and also for me. There's this thing that happens when two people are present together - we become mutual muses or messengers for each other. 

Are we all messengers? 
Yes, and before engaging with the world, it’s good to ask “what am I here as a messenger of?” I want to be a messenger of truth, of beauty and of gratitude for this experience even if it ends tonight. What a wild and gorgeous thing it has been to be alive and not to miss it by worrying about nothing and everything! 

Is plant medicine still a part of your work? 
I love taking people to the plant realm or being in that space with people but I kept hearing  “you can do it without it.” It's not always going to that same level, but it's maybe a little bit more tangible and sustainable. I have deep respect for this work and the wisdom we can access with the plant spirits, but most importantly it’s about how we integrate what we learn from those journeys. Otherwise it’s just getting high…

What does surrender mean to you now?
We talk about just let go, just surrender. But surrender is not an action verb, it's a state of being. It's a practice. 

What are some of your practices?
I try to get in the water as much as possible, it is deeply healing for me to let myself float and be held. Writing, journaling, listening to music fully. I started playing the guitar during the pandemic and it helps me to just gauge how relaxed I am. Because when I'm the most relaxed, I can play the best and I can sing. The music shows you immediately where you're thinking. Keeping my house like a temple reminds me to be in my godliness and to make cleaning a practice.

What is the best advice you’ve received? 
Two very different teachers that are present in my life gave two identical rituals. Be with yourself in the mirror, hold your gaze for as long as you can and repeat “I am, I am, I am, I am.” Until you are in that state of pure awareness and it really works. A good friend of mine said “ in the end, you'll use everything” 

What words of wisdom do you like to share? 
Don't take it so seriously. Don't be in a hurry to get somewhere. Enjoy your becoming. This is a crazy psychedelic experience to be a human, so it’s good to have humor and laugh at yourself.  

What 3 books do you love?

The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran is my number one! 

The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin

Osho Love Freedom and Aloneness 

The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron 

Photos by Sofia Gomze-Fonzo